Friday, November 27, 2009

Feelings, Emotions, Struggles

Disclaimer: Before you read this is kind of a debby downer read at your own risk...

It seems as though my life is always going to have some sort of struggle.  Now it seems to be my job.  I feel like I get emotionally beat up on a daily basis.  All I keep remembering is that verse that says, "Be content in all circumstances".  I struggle so much with that.  I know life is hard, but there has to be more to this life than what I am seeing.  Don't get me wrong, I am so glad to have a job, I just don't feel like I have found my nitch yet.

I have also been feeling lonely and feeling like the Lord is showing me that I need to weave out certain relationships in my life.  Sometimes I feel ok with it, and other times I feel so alone.  Sometimes I even feel a little annoyed and angry with the relationships.  I will be honest, I feel like an emotional rollercoaster lately.   And in lately, I mean the past 8 to 10 years.  Do you ever see people that you just think, hmm... they have it all going for them?  Well, I do. 

So, on a more positive note...I have made it a goal (3 days ago) to make Jesus my everything, so in order for that to happen, I have to get into His word daily.  I want to fall in love with Jesus.  SO, maybe that is why He is showing me who I need to weed out of my life because it isn't good for me.  I realize this is going to be a process but I am hopeful that I will fall madly in love with our Savior.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Watoto Children's Choir

I just saw the most amazing children this evening at my church! They are from Africa. Check out to see how you can get involved!


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Climbing back out...

Hello blogging world! I disappeared for a while but now I'm back. It stresses me out to think of going back and telling what all has been taking place, so rather than causing extra stress, I'm not going to do it. :)

The weather has drastically changed and I do not like it. I am not a cold weather fan, I prefer weather that is in the 70's with sunshine. I am convinced heaven is going to be my favorite weather all the tme.

So, it seems I have fallen back into a pit...maybe not that I have fallen back in again, but rather that I haven't fully gotten out of it. I have finally come to the conclusion that after almost 12 months, my heart is still raw and sad sometimes. Does it ever get better? Does that pain ever go away? It is so easy for some people to just move along, I however am not one of those people. I have come to a sad hard realization, I do not know who I am. I mean, I know that I am a child of God, but I don't know what I am supposed to be doing on this earth. Ever been there? Still there? Any helpful wise words you want to share?

I have been making some really bad choices and not Christ like choices either. I had a very real rude awakening. I am mortified, but in the same sense so grateful for the eye opener. Thank you, Jesus! I am definitely a work in progress. Here are a list of my desires for the near future:
* Seek Jesus daily
* Fall in love with Jesus
* Understand His purpose for my life
* To find my nitch (spelling?)
* Be content with what the Lord gives me no matter what
* To understand God's will for my life!

Good night!