Monday, May 25, 2009

God's Hand....

I decided to take a walk this evening because it wasn't too hot and boy am I glad I did now.

I have been in a spiritual drought the past 5 1/2 months. I am sick of being here in it, I have cried out to get out of it, and still find myself in it! Well, today I just feel like something drastic changed. I am praying the drought is gone and doesn't rear its ugly head again! As I was walking I had my ipod playing, I love to have music when I exercise, it seems to motivate me more. Well, I started out with country music and I was going to switch it to rock to get really motivated, but I decided to play christian music (not by coincidence I might add). Well, "My Romance" by Christ for the Nations started playing and it just stopped me in my angry bitter tracks. I played it over and over. I was just talking to God and just pouring out my soul to Him and I could just feel something come over me, like this was a break through! Oh how I pray it really is a break through! Then as I am continuing on with my walk I look up in the cloud and there is a cloud that looked like a 4 finger hand! I just looked and turned and then looked again and just looked in amazement. I am going to choose to believe that, that was God's hand over me! And that He is saying to me, Jill, I know all of the things you struggle with right now and I am right here, My HAND is covering you!

I am not sure there is much more I can say about that now, other than, Praise You JESUS! You do hear me and You are right beside me. He knows the pains I have with certain relationships right now and He knows the decisions I am trying to work out. He knows it all and He is right here fighting through it with me! Upholding me the whole time!

Friday, May 22, 2009

No title...

I couldn't think of a good title for this post, so that is why it is what it is. This post probably won't be very long.

Just feeling a little down this evening. I have been so grateful and glad that the sunshine has been here for a whole WEEK! Thank you, Jesus! Sunshine does wonders for me!

Things I would like to shed from myself emotionally....
People pleasing
Approval addiction
Desire for people to like me
Sadness for being single and lonely sometimes
Sadness for not having what I would like to have

If you have some time, I know these are very minor things in the world of all the bigger issues, but just say a prayer that I can shed these things and get my desire back to serve Jesus and love Him out of control.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend.

Talk to you soon!

Monday, May 18, 2009


I had the most wonderful thing happen to me this weekend...I will get to it in a minute, but I want to talk about some other things first. Do any of you struggle to try to make people like you? Or are there certain people in your life that you just want to like you so much, but you feel like you just don't have what it takes? I do! :) Please don't get me wrong, I am a very blessed person in the aspect that God has blessed me with many people who like me. We will call them aquaintances. And then you have the people who truly want to know what is going on with you and when you tell them, even after feeling like you have been in a pit for the past billion years, they still care for you and want to know how you really feel, and they still want to be friends with you. I call these friends! I don't want to be one of those people who wear people out with my problems. I really don't! I just know that one day, I am going to be able to be there for others and I actually hopefully won't be in a state of issues... We will see. I guess even if I am still having issues, hopefully I will be able to return the favor.

Speaking of 'pit', I have been in one. God has allowed me and my friend Amy to reconnect with one another and our friendship has really just blossomed. We went to dinner on Saturday night, just the two of us and it was so nice! I can honestly say, I have never seen this side of her before. She has always made me laugh and she is very funny and super nice and fun! We just haven't really had a moment like we did. So, she goes on to tell me that she had just really been praying for me and she asked God to reveal to her just exactly it was that I have been feeling! Ok, first of all! WHO DOES THAT! I was so humbled by her love and desire to relate to me in my pain. She said that while they were at church, the Lord completely revealed to her just exactly it was that I have been feeling and going through. She told me and honestly, it was exactly what I have been feeling that no one else seems to get or understand. I think at this point, people are probably like, Jill, seriously...get over it! Well, I am not like those people. So, she reccomended a great book to me. It is actually one that I have seen over and over, just never picked it up to read it. It is this:

So far, it is hitting the nail on the head.

Thank you to all of you who read this and love me! You are appreciated beyond words! For those of you who have listened more than your share! THANK YOU!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Why is it that....

Why is it that I do what I don't want to do? But, at the time I don't remember that, I do, but it doesn't seem to bother me enough. You know? I know that if I ask God to forgive me, He will. It just seems that I feel guilty in asking His forgiveness again. Grace, God's Grace is so hard for me to grasp for myself. Do any of you other believer's struggle with these things? So, to people I am supposed to be a witness too, I have instead acted the opposite with. I just get so tired of being good all the time. Does that make sense?

My room mate told me of a verse that I have heard over and over before, but thanks to Beth Moore, she put it in a whole new perspective... Isaiah 30:31 "But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired." We will grow weary if we are not seeking the Lord and putting our absolute ALL into Him. We tend to put our hope in the things that we so desperately desire! I know that for me right now is to be in a good godly and God ordained marriage. When in all reality, I need to be putting my HOPE IN MY JESUS! I struggle with this over and over. I am really good at believing things for other people, but when it comes to myself, it is like I have zero hope and FAITH! Sometimes I just get tired of praying and I am sure my friends get really tired of me asking them to pray for me. I pray they don't and I pray that the Lord blesses them deeply for there servants hearts in lifting me up when I just either don't want to, or can't. I desire to have faith and I desire to be hopeful that Jesus will give me my heart's desires in His perfect and due time. I really don't want to ruin God's perfect plan for my life. So, even though the waiting stinks A LOT! I would rather wait for the Lord and do it right.

So, I will continue to try to get the faith and hope that I need to honor the Lord and live this life to the fullest. To all I have done wrong and haven't been a great witness...I am so sorry, but I am human and I do make mistakes.

Until next time...I will give you an update on my faith and hope journey. :)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Sunny Day

Well, I thought since we have had absolutely no sunshine the past several days and I have had the stomach bug since basically last post today would be called Sunny Day! Sunny day because praise the Lord my stomach is not nauseated today! WOOHOO! I think I am on the mend! I am a horrible sick person, I despise it.

Speaking of the beach!!! I go in 74 days! WOOHOO!