Single's Week

Well, here we go.  My name is Jill, I am almost 33 years old and I live in NWA.  I've never been married and I do not have any children.  I have 2 fur kids, Belle and Lucy. I work fulltime as an Executive Asst.  I am a good christian girl looking for a good christian man.  I love to laugh and have fun.  I enjoy going on walks, watching movie's, riding 4-wheelers, and baking.  I'm a city girl, with a country girl's heart. :)  I love to be silly, and can be serious too.

It is a little weird to post about myself, but I guess I should just look at it as no different than joining a dating website. ha ha  I'm looking for my best friend and life long companion.  Someone who loves the Lord and is honest and respectful.  If you want to know any more, please feel free to email me @ jillhallrocks@gmail.com.

Here are a few pics or me:

Me in December 2011

Me and Belle, Oct. 2011

The Answer

I've found myself getting all wrapped up in my "singleness" again and that seems to get me nowhere except deeper in a pit and more vulnerable for the devils attacks. When I finally allow myself to open my eyes to it, I get so frustrated at myself for getting wrapped up in the worldly crap again, so to speak.

Today at church was my eye opener again. We were singing a song, and the chorus sang, "You are the answer". That resonated so loudly in my mind and my heart. I knew it was the Lord that had me hear those specific words.

I am different from most people, I want desperately to be loved and liked by all. Well, I realize that can't always be the case. I am different from most 32 almost 33 yr olds. I'm still a virgin, yep that's right folks. Now don't get me wrong here. I have made A LOT of mistakes and I have almost compromised that sacred gift too many times to count. I deeply desire to do Gods will and to be who He created me to be. I'm saddened that I lose that focus almost daily and see myself wanting to just throw in the "good Christian girl" towel (so to speak), in order to fit in to what the world deems as "normal"! I don't, and I mean it, I DON'T want to be normal from the worlds eye, because that is exactly what the devil wants. He wants me to feel like I'm a freak or something is wrong with me and that's why I'm not married. I know in my heart that those words are lies! Sadly, I believe them way too often.

I ultimately know that the Lord is protecting me from the wrong relationships, it's hard to remember this sometimes, but I believe He is answering mine and many others who have prayed over me, that the cycle of divorce stops at me. So, God is keeping me safe in His arms. It brings tears to eyes thinking of how angry I get at the Lord, because I feel like He is punishing me or forgetting me. That's a real feeling that I wish I could say is gone, but it is alive and very active.

I say all of this to be extremely glad that the Lord spoke to me and said, "Jill, I'm the answer, come to Me". I may never understand many of the things that confuse me, or make me mad or sad about my life, but I pray that I will continue to have my eyes open and truly set on Jesus.

As much as I want to "fit in", I don't want to disappoint the Man who never leaves or abandons me, the Man who NEVER EVER stops loving me, even when I choose to be unloveable. Jesus is the Only Man who can fill any longing or empty place.

One day my prince will come, but for today, I'm going to call on my Jesus to fill my empty places.

Jill

Waiting...

My whole adult life has appeared to be a season of waiting.  Waiting for many small things and waiting for a few big things.  For anyone who knows me, knows that I absolutely HATE waiting!  I have never been one to pray for patience...it scares me. :)  I guess because I feel like if I pray for it, I will be tested in that area even more and some days I just can't hardly take it.

Today happens to be one of those days.  I am sick of being single and I am ready for God to send me the man that He has created for me.  I don't want to rush that, AT ALL!  I only want God's timing, but I want His timing RIGHT NOW! :)  We live in such a "right now" society, that it is excrutiatingly hard when we have to wait for something we really want.

I know that God has a perfect plan for me and that I am called to "Be still" like Psalm 46:10 says, some days I just struggle with it a little more than others.  So, I am called to WAIT...some days I will do this with grace and some days I will do this defiantly. 

All in God's time and that is the only way I want it.  It's just hard.

On a more positive note...I am overwelmed by God's goodness in providing me with my very own home!  Thank you, Jesus.

Grateful Beyond Words

So many God things have been happening in the past 2 months, it has been so wonderfully overwelming!  Let me begin...I began actively looking for my first home to purchase at the beginning of Summer 2011.  Let me tell you the emotions and feelings that ran through my mind were endless!  Then there became a time of searching where I felt as if there were no homes available for me that I could afford.  Then I get a text from my realtor in July that says, "this house just went on the market, for this amount, it is going to go fast, we have to look at it today!", I thought, ok...let's just see.  So, I went and looked and wasn't very sure and then within in 10 minutes, I had to choose if I wanted to make an offer on this house!  I am not a spur of the moment or fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl, as a matter of fact it takes me a long time to make a small decision, let alone a HUGE decision like this one!  So, I took the first step of faith and made an offer...needless to say, I freaked out!  all that weekend waiting, I thought, holy crap...what have I done...I have made a huge mistake!  By Monday morning I had calmed down a lot, by prayer and finding my trust and rest in Jesus.  By Tuesday I heard the words that were exciting and terifying all in the same breath..."they've accepted your offer, you are getting a HOUSE"! 

Then the real grown up stuff started happening...home inspections, paper work, praying, praying, praying, and receiving what God has picked out for me.  So, I was now on a mission for things/necessities, it was a foreclosure, so it did not have all the appliances and some other things that you "must" have in your home.  So, I got the word out that I was in need of the following items:

• Dryer (received for FREE within in a week of requesting it!)  Blessing #1
• Refrigerator (received for FREE within a week or 2 of requesting it!) Blessing #2, then had a minor problem and had to go a different route, and in turn received yet another FREE refrigerator from a very nice older man, whom I would ask you say a prayer or peace and joy over. so, Blessing #4
• Washing Machine (purchased for a very low price off of Craigslist, and it is a good washing machine) Blessing #3
• Inspection on my home was perfect, other than the minor visual things you could see that needed repaired!  Blessing #5
• Received a 1 year Home warranty Blessing #6

I hear a lot of people say that a lot can go wrong the week before you close on a home, paper work can get backed up, blah blah blah.  Well, I received another confirmation that this was the right step for me to take, because I did not have ONE hiccup at all, Blessing #7.  Then as the day came on Tuesday, August 9, 2011, I signed the papers to my very own HOME!  The time it took to sign my life away as many would say, was so brief!  I was told it could take anywhere from 30 min. to an hour and how horrible it is to have to sign everything...well, I don't believe it even took a whole 20 min. to sign "my life away"!  Blessing #8!

Through this whole process I have seen what God can do.  I am a very skeptical, scared, afraid of making a bad decision kind of girl...but, ever since I took that HUGE step of Faith...God has done nothing but confirm and bless me that this was the path that He called me on and He has been showing Himself to me in so many ways.

Blessings #9 family!  I don't know what I would do without my family, my mom and step dad seem to step up at any time or season in my life.  My sister for giving of her time and talents.  My dad for helping in "his" way. :)  My niece for wanting to be a part of all of this in helping and claiming her very own room at my new house.

Blessings #10 faithful friends!  I have been extremely blessed by several friends that have gone far above and beyond what they were ever expected.  From going and picking up refrigerator #1 and then in turn going and picking up refrigerator #2 and then helping move me. 

Words really can not express the gratitude that I have for all of those who have prayed over me, helped me and loved me with actions and words here most recently and over the years.

Blessing #11 my home has been prayed over and I know God has put me there.  And I can find rest in Him and His promises!

Awesome!

Isn't it awesome when we can see in ourself that God is working on our behalf?!  I have been in a pit for a few years and recently I have been drawing near to the Lord and He is pulling me out of that place.  It's funny how the closer we get to the Lord the more the enemy attacks us.  Sometimes it overwhelms me and other times, I have such freedom in knowing that it doesn't matter what a person thinks of me.  I am a child of God and He is truly all I need.

Most recently something has happened, that when it has occured in the past, I have been devasted, but this time, it is so strange, I am not bothered at all and I am at complete peace today about it.  Does that mean I will continue to feel this way?  Maybe not...but, I will tell you, I am going to press in to the Lord no matter what.  God is showing Himself to me in more amazing ways, and I can't wait to see how He is going to continue to reveal Himself.  In this process there have been many doors and relationships I can feel He is guiding me in another direction, not necessarily closing them, but opening my eyes to things that I didn't want to see before.

Today my devotional had this scripture in it: Psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  I have found that I love that chapter of the bible.  Psalm 139:13-18 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!  Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you."  Is probably my favorite of all.  Our world is so consumed with what we MUST look like, and what we MUST have.  I don't know about you, but I don't want to care about the things that the world cares about.  I want to care about what my CREATOR cares about and what He thinks of me, His child.  I wish I could reach out to all women who feel so unloved and "ugly" and pray this word over them and that it would sink in to all of us...me included.

God's love NEVER fails, NEVER leaves us, NEVER walks out on us.  His timing is always perfect!

Have a good Monday!

Blessings...

This song and it's words sum up so many things for me and it really ties into my last post.  God is so good, all the time!  Even when we feel like we are alone!  He always knows what is best for us.

I pray this song "blesses" you:


We pray for blessings


We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things



Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise



We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe



Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise



When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home,

It's not our home



Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

By: Laura Story

Learning

I've been on a learning path for well, my whole life! Haven't we all? There are certain things that I feel are just a continual relearning repeats that never get learned! How frustrating...

I know it is important to have boundaries with people, but I seem to struggle in having boundaries with close friends. I tend to feel so comfortable that I seem to "spill it all" so to speak. Then there are many times I wish I hadn't! Why do I not learn?! I tend to be extremely relational, so I'm pretty sure that is why I so desperately want relationships and ultimately a best friend or two. Also, I feel like I am always accessible and available to some people, though I want to be accessible, I have to learn how to set a boundary there, because other friends are NOT accessible! And I end up getting my feelings bruised.

Why do we give titles to people? Why do we have to say, oh, this is my best friend so & so, why can't we just say, this is my friend! I guess I get my feelings hurt when I am introduced to someone by who I would consider a very close friend as just a "friend". So ridiculous, I KNOW.

I feel like sensitive Sally a lot, but I just got a book recommendation from a great godly woman, it's called Highly Sensitive, understanding your gift of spiritual sensitivity, by Carol Brown.

And being single when every one of your friends is married is difficult at times, I feel like they don't seek out the friendships quite as passionately as I do. It may never make sense this side of heaven, but it sure helps to know God is always there for us! ALWAYS!

Jill 