Learning How the Lord keeps Providing, But Still Confused...

Well another year has come and gone, it's kind of weird in a sense and then again not. I always wonder what the new year will bring, every year I have "oh I wonder if this will happen" and "what if this or that". I would really like to let go of that concept in my mind, but unfortunately it is still in the center of my mind. Hmmm....I used to be a dreamer, now I feel like I am just a realist and a dream downer. I really wish I didn't lose the dreamer part of me. Maybe if I seek the Lord on that, He will help me get it back. It just seems all the things I had dreamt of and hoped for as a little girl are different and haven't happened...yet.

A continual heart ache for me is relationships, not just guy relationships, but girl friend relationships. I tend to get really close to some girls and the friendship is so fun for a while and then something always changes. I have learned something about myself, well actually a few things, I have learned that when I care about someone, it is 100% and I would do anything for them. But, there comes a point where if you are the only one putting forth most of the effort, maybe it's time to let it go. These words "letting go" are such heart wrenching words to me. I hate to admit it, but I wear my heart and my feelings on my sleeve. A blatant sign for me is calls not being returned, texts going unanswered, and only getting called when it's convenient for the other party. These are all signs of rejection
to me. Every person has there own form of rejection, but I am a person who thrives on words
of affirmation and actions, so when those things are hurtful or non existent, that's where
I have to let it go. My mom used to tell me if you have 1 true friend in this life you are lucky. I am learning there is so much truth in that the older I get. We were made for relationships and I thrive on having close friends, I'm just going to have to trust in the Lord with this one.

I hope to be married to the man that God created just for me one day, and even then I will still deeply desire girl friends!

Happy 2011 












the hurt sets in. I started thinking maybe I was too needy, but I don't believe that, I believe the enem

Jill :)