Why is it that I do what I don't want to do? But, at the time I don't remember that, I do, but it doesn't seem to bother me enough. You know? I know that if I ask God to forgive me, He will. It just seems that I feel guilty in asking His forgiveness again. Grace, God's Grace is so hard for me to grasp for myself. Do any of you other believer's struggle with these things? So, to people I am supposed to be a witness too, I have instead acted the opposite with. I just get so tired of being good all the time. Does that make sense?
My room mate told me of a verse that I have heard over and over before, but thanks to Beth Moore, she put it in a whole new perspective... Isaiah 30:31 "But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired." We will grow weary if we are not seeking the Lord and putting our absolute ALL into Him. We tend to put our hope in the things that we so desperately desire! I know that for me right now is to be in a good godly and God ordained marriage. When in all reality, I need to be putting my HOPE IN MY JESUS! I struggle with this over and over. I am really good at believing things for other people, but when it comes to myself, it is like I have zero hope and FAITH! Sometimes I just get tired of praying and I am sure my friends get really tired of me asking them to pray for me. I pray they don't and I pray that the Lord blesses them deeply for there servants hearts in lifting me up when I just either don't want to, or can't. I desire to have faith and I desire to be hopeful that Jesus will give me my heart's desires in His perfect and due time. I really don't want to ruin God's perfect plan for my life. So, even though the waiting stinks A LOT! I would rather wait for the Lord and do it right.
So, I will continue to try to get the faith and hope that I need to honor the Lord and live this life to the fullest. To all I have done wrong and haven't been a great witness...I am so sorry, but I am human and I do make mistakes.
Until next time...I will give you an update on my faith and hope journey. :)