Waiting...

My whole adult life has appeared to be a season of waiting.  Waiting for many small things and waiting for a few big things.  For anyone who knows me, knows that I absolutely HATE waiting!  I have never been one to pray for patience...it scares me. :)  I guess because I feel like if I pray for it, I will be tested in that area even more and some days I just can't hardly take it.

Today happens to be one of those days.  I am sick of being single and I am ready for God to send me the man that He has created for me.  I don't want to rush that, AT ALL!  I only want God's timing, but I want His timing RIGHT NOW! :)  We live in such a "right now" society, that it is excrutiatingly hard when we have to wait for something we really want.

I know that God has a perfect plan for me and that I am called to "Be still" like Psalm 46:10 says, some days I just struggle with it a little more than others.  So, I am called to WAIT...some days I will do this with grace and some days I will do this defiantly. 

All in God's time and that is the only way I want it.  It's just hard.

On a more positive note...I am overwelmed by God's goodness in providing me with my very own home!  Thank you, Jesus.

Grateful Beyond Words

So many God things have been happening in the past 2 months, it has been so wonderfully overwelming!  Let me begin...I began actively looking for my first home to purchase at the beginning of Summer 2011.  Let me tell you the emotions and feelings that ran through my mind were endless!  Then there became a time of searching where I felt as if there were no homes available for me that I could afford.  Then I get a text from my realtor in July that says, "this house just went on the market, for this amount, it is going to go fast, we have to look at it today!", I thought, ok...let's just see.  So, I went and looked and wasn't very sure and then within in 10 minutes, I had to choose if I wanted to make an offer on this house!  I am not a spur of the moment or fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl, as a matter of fact it takes me a long time to make a small decision, let alone a HUGE decision like this one!  So, I took the first step of faith and made an offer...needless to say, I freaked out!  all that weekend waiting, I thought, holy crap...what have I done...I have made a huge mistake!  By Monday morning I had calmed down a lot, by prayer and finding my trust and rest in Jesus.  By Tuesday I heard the words that were exciting and terifying all in the same breath..."they've accepted your offer, you are getting a HOUSE"! 

Then the real grown up stuff started happening...home inspections, paper work, praying, praying, praying, and receiving what God has picked out for me.  So, I was now on a mission for things/necessities, it was a foreclosure, so it did not have all the appliances and some other things that you "must" have in your home.  So, I got the word out that I was in need of the following items:

• Dryer (received for FREE within in a week of requesting it!)  Blessing #1
• Refrigerator (received for FREE within a week or 2 of requesting it!) Blessing #2, then had a minor problem and had to go a different route, and in turn received yet another FREE refrigerator from a very nice older man, whom I would ask you say a prayer or peace and joy over. so, Blessing #4
• Washing Machine (purchased for a very low price off of Craigslist, and it is a good washing machine) Blessing #3
• Inspection on my home was perfect, other than the minor visual things you could see that needed repaired!  Blessing #5
• Received a 1 year Home warranty Blessing #6

I hear a lot of people say that a lot can go wrong the week before you close on a home, paper work can get backed up, blah blah blah.  Well, I received another confirmation that this was the right step for me to take, because I did not have ONE hiccup at all, Blessing #7.  Then as the day came on Tuesday, August 9, 2011, I signed the papers to my very own HOME!  The time it took to sign my life away as many would say, was so brief!  I was told it could take anywhere from 30 min. to an hour and how horrible it is to have to sign everything...well, I don't believe it even took a whole 20 min. to sign "my life away"!  Blessing #8!

Through this whole process I have seen what God can do.  I am a very skeptical, scared, afraid of making a bad decision kind of girl...but, ever since I took that HUGE step of Faith...God has done nothing but confirm and bless me that this was the path that He called me on and He has been showing Himself to me in so many ways.

Blessings #9 family!  I don't know what I would do without my family, my mom and step dad seem to step up at any time or season in my life.  My sister for giving of her time and talents.  My dad for helping in "his" way. :)  My niece for wanting to be a part of all of this in helping and claiming her very own room at my new house.

Blessings #10 faithful friends!  I have been extremely blessed by several friends that have gone far above and beyond what they were ever expected.  From going and picking up refrigerator #1 and then in turn going and picking up refrigerator #2 and then helping move me. 

Words really can not express the gratitude that I have for all of those who have prayed over me, helped me and loved me with actions and words here most recently and over the years.

Blessing #11 my home has been prayed over and I know God has put me there.  And I can find rest in Him and His promises!

Awesome!

Isn't it awesome when we can see in ourself that God is working on our behalf?!  I have been in a pit for a few years and recently I have been drawing near to the Lord and He is pulling me out of that place.  It's funny how the closer we get to the Lord the more the enemy attacks us.  Sometimes it overwhelms me and other times, I have such freedom in knowing that it doesn't matter what a person thinks of me.  I am a child of God and He is truly all I need.

Most recently something has happened, that when it has occured in the past, I have been devasted, but this time, it is so strange, I am not bothered at all and I am at complete peace today about it.  Does that mean I will continue to feel this way?  Maybe not...but, I will tell you, I am going to press in to the Lord no matter what.  God is showing Himself to me in more amazing ways, and I can't wait to see how He is going to continue to reveal Himself.  In this process there have been many doors and relationships I can feel He is guiding me in another direction, not necessarily closing them, but opening my eyes to things that I didn't want to see before.

Today my devotional had this scripture in it: Psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  I have found that I love that chapter of the bible.  Psalm 139:13-18 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!  Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you."  Is probably my favorite of all.  Our world is so consumed with what we MUST look like, and what we MUST have.  I don't know about you, but I don't want to care about the things that the world cares about.  I want to care about what my CREATOR cares about and what He thinks of me, His child.  I wish I could reach out to all women who feel so unloved and "ugly" and pray this word over them and that it would sink in to all of us...me included.

God's love NEVER fails, NEVER leaves us, NEVER walks out on us.  His timing is always perfect!

Have a good Monday!

Blessings...

This song and it's words sum up so many things for me and it really ties into my last post.  God is so good, all the time!  Even when we feel like we are alone!  He always knows what is best for us.

I pray this song "blesses" you:


We pray for blessings


We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things



Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise



We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe



Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise



When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home,

It's not our home



Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

By: Laura Story

Learning

I've been on a learning path for well, my whole life! Haven't we all? There are certain things that I feel are just a continual relearning repeats that never get learned! How frustrating...

I know it is important to have boundaries with people, but I seem to struggle in having boundaries with close friends. I tend to feel so comfortable that I seem to "spill it all" so to speak. Then there are many times I wish I hadn't! Why do I not learn?! I tend to be extremely relational, so I'm pretty sure that is why I so desperately want relationships and ultimately a best friend or two. Also, I feel like I am always accessible and available to some people, though I want to be accessible, I have to learn how to set a boundary there, because other friends are NOT accessible! And I end up getting my feelings bruised.

Why do we give titles to people? Why do we have to say, oh, this is my best friend so & so, why can't we just say, this is my friend! I guess I get my feelings hurt when I am introduced to someone by who I would consider a very close friend as just a "friend". So ridiculous, I KNOW.

I feel like sensitive Sally a lot, but I just got a book recommendation from a great godly woman, it's called Highly Sensitive, understanding your gift of spiritual sensitivity, by Carol Brown.

And being single when every one of your friends is married is difficult at times, I feel like they don't seek out the friendships quite as passionately as I do. It may never make sense this side of heaven, but it sure helps to know God is always there for us! ALWAYS!

Jill 

Ready....

Lord,
Today I'm lonely, tired of being alone, tired of being single. I know Jeremiah 29:11, but I'm ready to see what You are holding out for me. My heart aches and longs to love the man that You have for me.

Why do I have to wait? When will You make me at peace with this? Why does my heart long and ache for my mate if I am not to be married?

Just lots of questions today. I see ALL around me people having what I so deeply desire. Some so grateful and some so ungrateful. Some living out their hearts desire.

Be still...Jill

In His time...

Feelings, Emotions, Thoughts

Do you ever think too much? Do you ever get overly sensitive? I do! I drive myself nuts sometimes worrying about why people act the way they do. I'm always so certain I've done something to make them in a bad mood. Well, that can't be right...again this is another place the stupid devil attacks me! He really tries to put negative worrisome thoughts in my head constantly, but I am wising up and not letting his stupid schemes defeat me any more!

Don't get me wrong, I still struggle! Obviously today I failed, but praise Jesus for His love and mercy! His mercies are new EVERY morning!

Thank you, Jesus for your truly unfailing love!

Romans 15:13 need to ring in my mind;
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Lord, help me to overflow with Your joyful and steady loving spirit!

Jill 

Trust & Believe = Faith?

I have really been pondering a lot lately about relationships. Not just men relationships, but friend relationships. I kinda had a revelation the other day. I seem to always struggle with friendships, things will go well and then suddenly things go wrong. I thrive on friendships and when I feel like I don't have a so called "best friend", I become lonely, sometimes extremely lonely. So, I have realized why I am so called different in this...I am single. I do not have a husband, my best friend yet, so I am more "needy" in the friend dept. :).

Now do not get me wrong here, Jesus is to be our ALL IN ALL, I get that! But, I also need visible, vocal friends too.

I have become friends with someone I didn't think I could be friends with because my heart was so hurt, but in being half way friends with this person, I also have to be careful that I do not read into it more than I should. This friend is my ex bf. I don't date, rarely ever, so it's really easy for me to always wonder in the back of my mind if something is supposed to be there one day down the road. I know for certain now is not right, it may never be right. I just have to trust, then believe that God WILL bring me my prince, my champion when HIS timing is right, and that for me = FAITH!

Some times waiting and having faith is sooo hard! But, I praise JESUS for HIS protection over me for the past 32 yrs!

Jill 

Baby it's cold outside!

BRRR!  It is so cold outside.  This is not my favorite time of the year.  I prefer spring and fall, especially fall!  This is the season for my birthday and it is always so dang cold in January and February!  I guess it could be worse! :)

I will be 32 in less than a month...WOW!  That kinda freaks me out and it also makes me wonder what my new year will bring.  That's when the verse, "do not be anxious for anything, but with prayer and petition offer your requests to the Lord"...so...I am going to do my best not to be anxious or worry about tomorrow!  Some days I am good at that, some days I am not.

So glad it's Friday! So ready to have sickness GONE!

Have a great weekend!

YUM!

I enjoy eating out, but I really really do like to eat at home too! Here is one of my favorite quick yummy dinners:

God Speaks...

Wow, I picked up my devotional by Joyce Meyer this morning, "Battlefield of the Mind" and the Lord totally spoke to me. Especially with the relationship troubles I've been having. "Think About What You Are Thinking About" and the verse that goes with it is Philippians 4:8a Whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your mind on these things].

This has been such a great devotional for me, because my mind runs wild and goes so many places it shouldn't. I can't blame my unhappiness on anyone! I cant! The enemy knows were to attack me and my thoughts is a huge place. I have to make it a priority to review the way I am thinking! "Satan deceives us into thinking that the source of our misery or pain is other people or sometimes our situations. He tries not to let us face the fact that our own thoughts are the source of our unhappiness".

My goal: seek the Lords help to keep my mind and thoughts fixed on Him! And to find my joy and completion in Jesus!

Jill :)

Learning How the Lord keeps Providing, But Still Confused...

Well another year has come and gone, it's kind of weird in a sense and then again not. I always wonder what the new year will bring, every year I have "oh I wonder if this will happen" and "what if this or that". I would really like to let go of that concept in my mind, but unfortunately it is still in the center of my mind. Hmmm....I used to be a dreamer, now I feel like I am just a realist and a dream downer. I really wish I didn't lose the dreamer part of me. Maybe if I seek the Lord on that, He will help me get it back. It just seems all the things I had dreamt of and hoped for as a little girl are different and haven't happened...yet.

A continual heart ache for me is relationships, not just guy relationships, but girl friend relationships. I tend to get really close to some girls and the friendship is so fun for a while and then something always changes. I have learned something about myself, well actually a few things, I have learned that when I care about someone, it is 100% and I would do anything for them. But, there comes a point where if you are the only one putting forth most of the effort, maybe it's time to let it go. These words "letting go" are such heart wrenching words to me. I hate to admit it, but I wear my heart and my feelings on my sleeve. A blatant sign for me is calls not being returned, texts going unanswered, and only getting called when it's convenient for the other party. These are all signs of rejection
to me. Every person has there own form of rejection, but I am a person who thrives on words
of affirmation and actions, so when those things are hurtful or non existent, that's where
I have to let it go. My mom used to tell me if you have 1 true friend in this life you are lucky. I am learning there is so much truth in that the older I get. We were made for relationships and I thrive on having close friends, I'm just going to have to trust in the Lord with this one.

I hope to be married to the man that God created just for me one day, and even then I will still deeply desire girl friends!

Happy 2011 












the hurt sets in. I started thinking maybe I was too needy, but I don't believe that, I believe the enem

Jill :)